We are not perfect. (No kidding!) I might have thought we were both pretty close before we got married but marriage is a good way to reveal those hidden flaws. However, I would much rather have those things revealed so that the Lord can work on them! “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17) We are better together because the Lord uses us to sharpen each other and cause each other to grow. I am so thankful for Joe’s gentle sharpening through the last 5 years and for the ways he continually challenges me to go deeper in God.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25) I am continually amazed, blessed, and grateful for the ways my husband seeks to love me with the same love that Jesus loves His bride, the church. Over the last 5 years, I have watched him grow in selflessness as he joyfully serves me and our children, putting our needs before his own.

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22) I have learned that I have trouble submitting to the Lord – I tend to lean towards the mantra, “I do what I want, when I want, how I want” – and I learned about this area of weakness through discovering that I didn’t really want to submit to my husband either. Apparently, these to go hand-in-hand with each other, so I’m praying that as I grow in one area, it will also translate to growth in the other. I’m a bit of a slow learner, so maybe ask me in another five years how I’m doing and hopefully I’ll be able to say that I have too have grown in selflessness and have learned how to submit to my earthly husband and my heavenly Bridegroom.

⁹ Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
¹⁰ If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
¹² Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Yes, I realize I’m using a lot of cliché marriage passages, but it really is true! “Two are better than one” and I’m so glad I have someone next to me as my partner in life, to help me up when I fall down, to keep me warm (yes, I made a good cuddler out of him!), and to fight alongside me in the battles that come our way. I am immensely grateful for a husband who listens to the voice of the Holy Spirit and who is intensely in love with Jesus – “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken“.

Thank you honey for five amazing years and may we share many more!

In Romans 13:8, 9, Paul writes that all of the commandments in the law are fulfilled if we will just love one another and that all of the commandments could be summed up by the command, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself”. While the Scriptures themselves command me to be a woman of the Word and to meditate on it daily and to pray unceasingly, if I do those things and neglect to love my children, I have missed it! Matthew 23:23 has Jesus rebuking the religious leaders saying, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. These you ought to have done without leaving the others undone.” It is a religious spirit that causes us to get so focused on performing the duties of being a Christian that we forget what truly matters – justice, mercy, faith and love. They were offering to God what was required by the law, but they had missed what He truly desired to receive from them.

For me, while this new revelation has deeply impacted my heart, it is still difficult to put into action. I have found it difficult to lay down my desires for how I want to worship God and what I want to offer Him in order to seek what He wants. While I may be fixated upon getting time to read my Bible or pray, if I were to stop and ask Him, “What offering do you want from me, God?” perhaps His answer would be, “Play with your son” or “Rest your body” or “Go for a walk with your husband” or “Call your friend and pray for her need” or “Sing a song to me” or “Hold your daughter while she cries” or any number of things that I previously wouldn’t have considered as being a valid offering of worship unto God. Somewhere along the line, I forgot that I am actually loving God when I love people! I think there will also be times when He would ask of me to read my Bible or pray, but the point is that I don’t assume what He wants and that I am willing to give up my way of doing things for His way. To have a broken and contrite spirit like David wrote about in Psalm 51:16-17 requires that I submit my will to God and set aside my own selfish desires – not an easy thing to do!

As Romans 12:1 says, “…present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God…”

My husband gave me a word from the Lord, “You want to give an offering to God your way instead of His way.”

I immediately was convicted by the truth of his statement and realized that though my initial desire to spend time in the Word and in prayer was good and honorable, that I had never bothered to ask the Lord what kind of offering He desired! And perhaps that was the problem with Cain in Genesis 4. Perhaps he saw that Abel was giving an offering to God and in his own desire to please God, he strove to present something to God out of his own strength, instead of first asking the Lord what type of offering would please Him? I have done this countless times – I see what someone else is able to offer to God, by spending hours in Bible study or intercession, and then I feel that I want to do the same, regardless of whether or not that is what the Lord is asking of me. I so easily feel pressured by what the apparent standard is for being a “good Christian” and I strive to please God by checking off chapters on a Bible-reading plan or logging the hours I’ve put in through prayer. Only, I’m usually left feeling like it is never enough and that I can never attain to this elusive super-Christian status. I want to give God an offering my way, based on my desires and my strength, and I just set myself up for failure.

Why has it never occurred to me before to ask God what type of offering or worship He would like from me?? Yet this is the very same trap that the Israelites fell into several times. King Saul is a prime example, for when he was commanded by God to kill every person and animal in a particular tribe, he kept the best of the animals to present as an offering to God instead. And was God impressed by this extravagant gift? Not at all. In 1 Samuel 15:22-23, the Lord says this,

“Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice…”

Saul had his own idea of what would please God, but completely disregarded what the Lord had commanded him to do and in so doing, missed out on what He truly desired. As a result of this act of disobedience, Saul was rejected as king of Israel and the Lord began to seek for a man who was truly after His own heart. This brings me to David, who was perhaps one of the few who really sought God’s heart and sought to discover what He delighted in. In Psalm 51:16-17, he writes this,

“For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart – these, O God, You will not despise.”

It seems strange, that the very sacrifices and offerings that God commanded His people to offer Him were the very things that they would get tripped up on, thinking that these outward signs of worship were what He desired, when what He really wanted was their hearts. In Isaiah 1:11-17, the Lord rebukes Israel, saying that He has come to despise their sacrifices and that their incense has become an abomination to Him because of the sinful lives they were living. If I put myself into this story, I might be looking for God’s approval after reading for an hour in my Bible, only for Him to find it an unacceptable offering, since it was given at the cost of treating my children without love.

To be continued…

This was where I found myself the other day – longing and aching to fulfill that desire to spend long hours reading my Bible and communing with Jesus, only to be continuously thwarted at every turn by my own dear children. It didn’t take long before there was a pent-up ball of fiery rage burning on the inside of me and I just wanted to scream and cry and yell at the unfairness of it all (and in fact, I did scream and cry some). This is the paradox of parenting – how this little human being whom you love so deeply also seems to bring out the worst in you by exposing all your selfish motives!

But this is not what I wanted to share with you – it is just how the story begins. That evening, as I was ready to fall apart at the seams and break down once again, my dear husband turned in his Bible to Genesis 4, which tells the story of Cain and Abel. I’m sure you are familiar with this famous tale of the very first murder, but it begins with what appears to be a sincere offering to God on Cain’s part. He brought an offering of his crops to the Lord, while his brother Abel brought the firstborn of his flock. The Lord accepted Abel’s offering, but not Cain’s. At this, Cain became very angry and the Lord asks him, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”

To be completely honest, when reading this, it is tempting to side with Cain and wonder why the Lord was so hard on him? What was wrong with Cain’s offering? Why wasn’t it good enough? Wouldn’t you be angry and upset too? Must we strive to gain God’s approval and acceptance? Like Cain, I had an offering I desired to give to the Lord – I wanted to offer Him my time and focused devotion – and when that didn’t work out for me, I became angry and began to take it out on my own family members, even as Cain took out his anger on his brother Abel.

Now was there anything wrong with my desire? Was there anything wrong with wanting to spend time reading my Bible or praying? Of course not! But, here is where it hit home for me when my husband said to me, by the Holy Spirit’s prophetic inspiration,

“You want to give an offering to God your way instead of His way.”

Ouch!

To be continued…

Like many others, today we are both grieved by the devastation in Haiti and grateful for God’s provision in our lives as we see how much we have to be thankful for in light of so many people’s great loss.  Also, like many, we are asking “How can I help?” 

First of all, we can PRAY.  Today, I joined in with the International House of Prayer as they dedicated a time of intercession to praying for restoration and revival in Haiti.  According to IHOP’s blog, you can join them free via the live webstream to cover Haiti and its people in prayer during all of their intercession sets (12:00am, 4:00am, 6:00am, 10:00am, 4:00pm, 8:00pm) – though I’m not sure how long they’re doing this for?  If you want to view previous sets from a particular prayer meeting, you can go to www.ihop.org, click on the big button for the Prayer Room, then find the links beneath the media player next to the heading that says “Click here for Archives”.  Once you’ve selected the quality level you want, on the right side you’ll see a drop-down box where you can select the day – choose the intercession set you want to view.  Of course, you can pray and intercede for Haiti anywhere and anytime!  Some things to pray for…

1. Provision of food, water, shelter and aid to get to the victims.
2. Anointing and power upon the local churches that they could minister effectively to those in need.
3. An outpouring of the Holy Spirit for healing (physical & emotional), resurrection, and salvations.
4. Provision for Christian crisis relief and aid organizations to be able to get into Haiti and help these victims in the name of Jesus.
5. Comfort, strength, and hope for those who have lost loved ones.
6. Revival – that many would realize their deep need for a Savior and turn from their sin and turn to God.
7. For adoptions of Haitian orphans currently in process to be allowed to go through quickly – see article here.  People in Canada and the United States are speaking up on behalf of these orphans and fighting to make it possible for them to be brought home to their adoptive families.

Secondly, we can GIVE.  A warning before you donate, though, is that there are already people seeking to take advantage of this disaster through Haiti charity scams.  Check out this article for ways to avoid being scammed and how you can ensure you give to trustworthy charities.  Now here are just a few Christian organizations that have come to my attention that I think would be worthy of receiving financial aid right now who are seeking to respond to this crisis in Haiti.  I’m sure there are many more – perhaps you can leave them in the comments if you know of some – but here are ones I would recommend…

Compassion International - Because Compassion International ministers through local churches to meet the needs of that church’s neighbors, and because these church partners are respected aid workers in their communities, Compassion is uniquely positioned to assess and meet the needs of it’s sponsored children quickly. This is an advantage of their church-based model in practice for more than 50 years.  Also, Compassion has been given the highest approval rating by both www.CharityNavigator.com and The American Institute of Philanthropy.  They are a trusted charity who is committed to giving all funds raised in response to the Haiti earthquake  immediately to provide for Compassion-assisted children and families affected by this crisis. Any funds raised in excess will be stewarded by Compassion for additional and future disaster relief efforts. You can provide immediate relief to the Haiti Earthquake victims today.
• $35 helps provide a relief pack filled with enough food and water to sustain a family for one week.
• $70 gift helps care for their needs for two weeks.
• $105 helps provide relief packs filled with enough food and water to sustain two families for two weeks.
• $210 gift helps care for two families’ needs.
• $525 helps provide relief packs filled with enough food and water to sustain 10 families for two weeks.
• $1,050 gift helps care for 10 families’ needs.
• $1,500 helps rebuild a home.
• $2,100 helps supply 20 families with the basics for three weeks.

Crisis Response International – CRI is a non-profit organization that resources, trains and mobilizes volunteers, churches and other organizations to respond to disasters and other  compassion initiatives in the UnitedStates and world-wide.  Their vision is to train an army of end-time, prophetic, mercy missionaries, mobilized in the spirit of night and day prayer, to release great demonstrations of power, reach the harvest in crisis and rebuild cities on the Kingdom of God.  Presently CRI is collaborating efforts with Haitian national churches to bring relief and mobilize volunteers to the area. This is a tremendous opportunity to bring the Love and hope of Jesus Christ into this hurting area. Reports on CNN stated that people were screaming in the streets “Jesus is coming back and they were calling on God for help.”  Check out their site to see how you can help.

God’s Littlest Angels - GLA is an independent, non-denominational ministry founded to care for premature, malnourished, and abandoned children in Haiti. GLA is a faith mission relying on God to provide funding and other needs through churches and donors throughout North America and Europe.  Doctors and clinics refer babies that are in need of intensive nursing care and nutritional support to GLA. The ministry has developed from a Child Survival Center that cares only for premature, malnourished and abandoned infants under 2 years old into an orphanage that facilitates adoptions for children of all ages. Today, the orphanage is a fully functioning nursery with incubators, warming beds, and the capability to provide oxygen, intravenous fluids, and monitoring support for critically ill infants.  While at the same time, providing full-time child care for all of the children.  As I’m sure you realize, they are expecting many more orphans to be coming to them as a result of this disaster and you can help them by donating on their website – just click on the “Donate” button at the top of the right column or donate on their blog by using Earthquake Relief Fund widget in the right column.

Samaritan’s Purse – Samaritan’s Purse is a nondenominational evangelical Christian organization providing spiritual and physical aid to hurting people around the world. Since 1970, Samaritan’s Purse has helped meet needs of people who are victims of war, poverty, natural disasters, disease, and famine with the purpose of sharing God’s love through His Son, Jesus Christ.  Samaritan’s Purse is responding to the earthquake that devastated Haiti by providing critically needed assistance, including water, temporary shelter, blankets, hygiene kits, medical aid, and other essentials.  You can donate to their relief efforts here.

World Vision - World Vision is a Christian humanitarian charity organization dedicated to working with children, families, and their communities worldwide to reach their full potential by tackling the causes of poverty and injustice. The millions of people they serve include earthquake and hurricane survivors, abandoned and exploited children, survivors of famine and civil war, refugees, and children and families in communities devastated by AIDS in Africa, Asia, and Latin America. Their extensive global infrastructure enables them to respond where the need is greatest, anywhere in the world. World Vision is on the ground rushing emergency supplies to survivors of the Haiti catastrophe. Your gift now will help distribute life-saving relief supplies – including food, clean water, blankets, and tents — to children and families devastated by the earthquake and aftershocks in Haiti.  World Vision has worked in Haiti for 30 years and has some 370 staff in country. Send your gift to help them today.

Our week there was really great and it was awesome to see Joe’s parents, sisters, one brother-in-law and his nieces and nephews!  None of them had met Justice yet (besides Joe’s parents) and of course none of them had met Rayah yet, so that was really nice.  While we were there, Justice got to do lots of fun things with daddy, like going swimming with his Auntie and cousins, going on his first (of many) quad ride, going to a tractor show, going on the trampoline and swing, and playing with the many dogs, cats and horses on the farm.  I was inside most of the time with Rayah, but I got to go out a bit too to play with Justice and go on what may have been my first quad ride and go for a fun walk in the bush with Grandma, Joe & Justice.  A funny thing on that walk was that Justice touched a live electric fence wire a couple times, but I guess the current isn’t flowing consistently but rather goes in pulses and he was just lucky enough to touch it when it wasn’t shocking!  There were also lots of fun new toys to discover and play with and a new house to explore and get into trouble, so Justice had a great time!    Rayah was having some gas issues while we were there, but it was fantastic to have so many willing hands to help out and I got lots of breaks, which was really nice!  They even took care of both kids for us for an evening, giving Rayah her very first bottle (expressed milk), so that Joe and I could go on a date.

And now for the regular update on the kids – and even though most of you probably don’t really care about all the little details that I record here, I’m still doing it for me so that I can remember them!  If you’d like to see recent videos of the kids, you can visit my youtube channel.

Justice

Cute and funny things:

• We’ve noticed that he sings when we are driving in the van and one time, Rayah was crying in her car seat and I looked back and saw Justice singing with his fingers in his ears – lol!
• One day when I was having a really rough day, I had a moment of frustration where I covered my face with my hands and was on the verge of tears, when Justice came up to me with his arms reaching up and said “hug?”  It was so sweet!  Then, later that same day, I was sitting on the floor having a cry and he was in my lap and he gave me a kiss on the nose – it was exactly what I needed and made me smile.
• He throws EVERYTHING!  He has a new fascination with throwing things high up in the air.  He’ll also throw all his many balls that he has in the basement (tennis balls, basketball, volleyball, and football) and he’ll throw them at the walls, so sometimes they come back and hit him.
• He claps and says “happy” when I dress him to go outside.
• It was probably only funny to me, but we had a moment where I was trying to put him down for his nap and he kept turning his soother around so that it was upside-down and I couldn’t help but laugh and then he started giggling and we were both laughing and I couldn’t stop!  I tried to sing him his bedtime lullaby, but I kept giggling and we both had a good laugh together.

New things:

• First plane ride – loved looking out the window at the city lights.
• First quad ride.
• First time visiting a church nursery – it didn’t go so well and he ended up crying for his mommy.
• First visit to his Grandma & Grandpa Engbrecht’s and first time meeting his aunts, an uncle, and his cousins.

Eating and drinking:

• Eating time is still quite messy and he is constantly getting his clothes dirty and food all over himself and the floor!
• He is now showing signs that he understands hunger and thirst as he has started saying his words “munch”, “eat”, “food”, “drink”, “mo” (more – with the hand sign), etc.  He will run upstairs when I say it’s time for a snack and he often asks for more food “peeze” (with the hand sign as well).

Talking and comprehension:

• He can now talk in a whisper which is terribly adorable!
• Of all his new words below, you can pretty much replace every “r” or “l” with a “w” or sometimes he just doesn’t say them at all :)
• Things: “shoe”, “bunk”, “phone”, “farm”, “stick”, “bucket”, “jacket”, “blanket”, “onesie”, “hockey”, “chiangle” (triangle), “circle”, “plane”, “flashlight”, “football”, “bump”, “buckle”, “laundry”, “vee” (the letter), “zuppo” (zipper), “tree”, “nap”, “towel”, “name”, “spanking”, “job”, “cookie”, “cracker”, “side” (outside), “muffin”, “mitts”, “brush”, “mess”, “broom”, “bike”, “hammer”, “jammies”
• Animals: “panda”, “sheep”, “hen”, “bunny”, “horsie”
• Body parts: “foot”, “cheek”, “chin”, “mouth”, “back”, “eye”, “toe”, “ow” (ear), “nose” (that’s his favorite one to point to on everyone)
• Numbers: “one”, “two”, “fo”, “fi”, “sick”, “eight”, “ni”
• Colors: “red”, “yellow”, “green”, “orange”
• Bathroom words: “poop”, “pooping” (appears to be saying this as he actually pees or poops in his diaper), “change”, “diaper”, “dowty” (dirty), “clean”, “showee” (shower), “potty”
• Eating words: “drink”, “juice”, “cheese”, “mink/mook” (milk), “food”, “chew”
• People: “Jake/Jacob” (cousin), “Angie” (auntie), “Cole” (auntie Nicole), “Chloe” (cousin), “Justice” (yay – he can finally say his own name!), “Jesus” (so sweet when he said this for the first time as we prayed for his lunch), “me”
• Verbs, Adjectives & Other words: “windy”, “peeze” (please), “run”, “kick”, “nummy” (yummy), “gone”, “funny” (inevitably what he thinks is funny is not something I think is funny!), “careful”, “gentle”, “crying” (says this about Rayah a lot), “welcome”, “come”, “mo” (more), “whining”, “good”, “fluffy”, “bounce” (says this about balls), “sleep”, “in”
• Phrases: “cheese peeze”, “drink milk”, “baby Rayah”, “hockey stick”, “thank you”, “ni-night”, “munch eat food”, “wake up!”, “come on!” (our personal favorite), and any combination of the words “bum poop stinky”!

Development:

• He can open any door in our house now, including our outside door, which we now have to dead bolt to keep him from taking off!  I also some times keep the bathroom and our bedroom doors locked so that he thinks they are always locked and inaccessible.  Since he has seen me using a kitchen knife to unlock these doors from the outside, he has attempted to open them with his play screwdrivers – lol!
• He has temper tantrums daily – whether it’s just whining and crying or full-on thrashing on the floor screaming until he dry heaves!  We are learning of different ways to handle these outbursts and meltdowns, but it is definitely challenging to keep your cool when he’s freaking out!
• We’ve noticed that he learns a lot of things by just observing us – for one, putting on hand lotion – he’ll play with the lotion bottle and then rub his hands together – very cute!
• He is learning the concept of putting things back where they belong, but thinks that it’s a game.  So he will constantly pull clothing and diapers, etc. out of Rayah’s dresser and then sometimes he’ll put them back on his own, or we have to go and make him put them back.  He’ll also close the drawers and doors when asked (not usually on the first request though).
• He is learning how to do other things we ask of him, like finding an object and bringing it to us.
• He’s still doing awesome at playing on his own while I’m busy and he’ll even let me take a nap on the couch in the basement while he plays with his toys, which is really nice!
• He’s learning how to go down the stairs forwards!  He’ll try to hold onto the wall or onto the steps and sort of go down on his bum, but mostly actually stepping down on his own!

Health:

• He’s had lots of injuries as of late, all of them involving falling!  He fell into the corner of a wall at our house, leaving a line on his cheek and a bloody cut on his chin.  He fell forwards, hitting his gums on the corner of a guitar case – this one bled A LOT and looked pretty nasty for a couple days, but healed up well.  He fell into a doorway at our house, hitting his nose and causing it to bleed.  He fell into a laundry basket and somehow cut two of his fingers on the plastic – more blood!  Jeepers!!

Brotherhood:

• He accidentally dropped a metal pot lid on Rayah’s face, giving her a small cut under her eye.
• He likes to pretend to kick Rayah in the head when she’s lying on the floor.  I don’t doubt that he’d actually do it if we weren’t paying attention, but I don’t think it’s out of malice – it’s more like he finds the idea funny and maybe thinks her head looks like a ball that’s nice for kicking.
• Still loves to give Rayah LOTS of hugs and kisses!
• In addition to constantly taking Rayah’s soother, he will also attempt to put her soother in her mouth for her.
• He constantly wants to rock Rayah’s bassinet when she’s in it, but his rocking is way too exuberant!

Rayah

• She still nurses about every three hours, but she’s had several great nights where she slept for 5-6 1/2 hours in between feedings, which was glorious for me!!
• She is still quite the pooper, but doesn’t poop with every single feeding any more.  Still, she likes to push out her poops and today she had a diaper blowout that went all the way up her back, almost to her neck!!
• She’s getting better at nursing and generally nurses for about 15 minutes, plus the time it takes to burp, change her diaper, etc.
• She has been having some gas issues, so once again I am trying to not have any dairy or caffeine to see if that helps.  I’m not entirely convinced that it’s the issue, but it does seem like she’s maybe a bit better since I’ve been off those things, so we’ll see.
• She spits up ALL THE TIME!  She spits up multiple times on herself, on her change mat, in her crib, in the bassinet, on me, on the floor, on the couch – everywhere!  And large quantities too!
• She had her first plane ride, first visit to Grandma & Grandpa Engbrecht’s and meeting her aunts, uncle & cousins.
• She had her first visit to Grandma & Grandpa Thiessen’s house.
• She had her first bottle (expressed milk) and has had formula as well – so far, so good!  She’s just getting the hang of it and has drank 2 oz.  Hopefully giving her the bottle on a regular basis now will help make the adjustment easier later on.
• She has been having gas issues, much like Justice did, but thankfully not as bad.  I’ve been trying to not have dairy or caffeine to see if that helps, but it’s really hard to tell what causes her gas pains. 
• I had her on her stomach one day and she was NOT happy about it and before she was even a month old, she managed to roll over onto her back!
• She has given us quite a few really big smiles that are so adorable and is also beginning to coo and gurgle and “talk” to us – so cute!
• She’s also a little porker just like her brother and has chubby cheeks and lots of rolls!

Rayah’s had a lot of gas issues lately and cries A LOT.  This can really wear a person down.  I had my first meltdown of tears yesterday since I became a mommy of two.  I was frustrated by my circumstances, but also feeling like a failure as a mom for all the anger and terrible thoughts I had inside.  Thank God that His mercies are new every morning and that He sees the sincere desires of my heart to be a lover of God and a better mom to my children.  I’m also glad that all the expectations I put on myself to be a “supermom” are not ones that God places on me – His yoke is easy and His burden is light!

In light of the spiritual awakening happening at the International House of Prayer (check it out here), I have begun to read the book “Hosting the Holy Spirit”, written by twelve different authors including Ché Ahn, Lou Engle, John Arnott, Cindy Jacobs and several other ministers who have been blessed with visitations of the Spirit in their churches.  I really enjoyed the first chapter by John Arnott about valuing the anointing.  I must confess that since I had participated in a spiritual renewal when I was a teenager, that I somehow reached a place where I was taking the anointing and touches of the Spirit for granted and I would sometimes hold back from really entering in because I thought I had moved beyond that stuff.  I thought I would just sit back and observe and let others experience His anointing who perhaps hadn’t experienced it before.  Perhaps I thought I was too mature or didn’t really need it or made other excuses for not entering in.  But I want to value and honor the moving of the Spirit in our midst and have a hunger and desperation and realization of my need for more of Him.  I want to be open to receiving His touch any time, all the time, every time!

Along similar lines, I was watching the webstream of the IHOPU Student Awakening when one of their leaders David Sliker shared his testimony of what the Lord had done in him.  He shared about how he had made peace with his barrenness and become content with not having God’s touch on his heart.  He also shared about how in his attempt to put aside childishness, he had also put aside childlikeness and lost that innocent joy, but how God had restored to him the joy of his salvation.  As I was identifying with his testimony and praying about this, the worship team began to sing a prophetic song about receiving the love of God.  The Lord then began to speak to me about this, since I seem to struggle with asking Him for more of His love.  I’ve had really amazing experiences in the past where I’ve felt the love of my Bridegroom Jesus and my Father God, but I think I was believing a lie that I needed to live off of those experiences and that I should just be grateful for them and not ask for more.  But then I thought about my relationship with my earthly husband and how I need to know and feel his love for me on a daily basis, whether it’s through a word or action or touch, and he does not begrudge me those things and gladly shows me his love every day.  So why would Jesus be any different?  Does He not long to show me His love and want me to ask Him for more?  It’s simply doesn’t seem right for me to not feel the love of my eternal Bridegroom every day.  Not once a week, not once a month, not once a year – I cannot live on yesterday’s experience!  It would seem ridiculous for Joe to say to me that him telling me he loved me once a year was good enough, yet that’s the lie I was believing about God!  The same goes for the love of the Father – it would be terrible if Joe said to our kids that they should be content with feeling his love only every once and a while!  It’s the exact opposite – Joe really loves to show our kids how much he loves them and I believe it to be the same with our Heavenly Father.  So, while I may have known this to some extent already, it was still a new revelation for me and touched my heart in a way that I needed, which was awesome!

Along the lines of the Father’s love – lately our son Justice has become very affectionate, always asking for hugs, which is terribly sweet and cute!  But he has also started asking for hugs during mealtime when he is inevitably covered with food.  Of course, our instinct is to say to him that he needs to be cleaned up first before he can have a hug, but doesn’t that sound horrible?  What if God said to us that we needed to get cleaned up before He would show us His love?  What if the prodigal son’s father had made his son have a bath first before he was willing to embrace him?  I’m so glad the Father is not like that!!  Joe was a great father and let Justice give him a hug, getting food all over his own clothing as Justice patted his back.   I was a little more reluctant and cleaned him up first – lol.

And one more testimony from what God has been doing in me as I’ve been watching the IHOPU Student Awakening webstream.  Last night, a girl was giving her testimony about how God set her free from self-hatred and rage that had come as a result of being molested as a little girl.  Now, they’ve had several ministry times regarding self-hatred in the last couple weeks, but I’ve been reluctant to engage my heart and have had walls up.  But finally, something broke and what she was sharing caused my defenses to fall as I recalled wounds from my own past.  Then Wes Hall, the person who was facilitating the meeting, had a word of knowledge about a wife who had never told her husband about what she was going through and I knew I needed to tell Joe some things and have him pray for me.  So, I shared with Joe about some things that happened when I was a pre-teen and early teen, where I felt violated by a man and objectified by my male peers.  These were things I had never told him and I don’t even know why I had kept them hidden, but it felt really good to get them out in the open.  We then prayed together and I felt the Lord touch my heart with revelation about how He feels about me and I broke off the the bondage of self-hatred and my agreement with the lies of the enemy regarding my appearance and my body.  One of the things the girl sharing her testimony had said that really touched me was when she said that she realized that her body had not been made for man, but for God.  This was totally freeing for me and I felt life in the revelation that my body had been made by God to be a bearer of His image and a vessel for His Spirit and that it doesn’t matter what people might think!  So, I feel like there was a breakthrough and that I received freedom and healing in this area – praise Jesus!

On November 4th, Justice turned 20 months old and Rayah was 2 weeks old outside of the womb. The first week, I had the joy of having Joe at home with me, which was so great to have his help!  We also took a trip to Grand Forks, North Dakota for a gathering of my mom’s side of the family for a weekend, which was fun, but also exhausting with a toddler and a newborn in a hotel.  The second week, I had almost 4 full days on my own with both kids and it went pretty good.  I definitely don’t get a whole lot done besides making sure we all get fed, dressed, and rested, but we are beginning to get into a good routine that works for us.  So, here is a look at the last month with our two awesome kids!

Justice

Cute and funny things:

• With his newfound ability to jump, he has started jumping in his crib and on the couches.
• While eating fruit sauce, he brought he spoon too close to his nose and ended up snorting it up his nostrils – lol!
• He loves to help put his dirty diapers in the garbage can and “help” me vaccuum.
• He likes to give Rayah kisses on the head and hugs – very sweet and adorable!
• He will hold his doll or a stuffed animal over his shoulder and pat it’s back, like I do when I’m burping Rayah.  He’ll also come help burp Rayah and pat her back.  He’ll also pat our backs when he hugs us – so sweet.
• He picked Rayah up and carried her – scary!! 
• He climbed into the baby swing and enjoyed a ride in it.
• He was playing outside and was sitting on the ground, playing with rocks, when I all of a sudden noticed that he had fallen asleep – lol!

New things he discovered:

• I didn’t know which category to put this under, but a new experience that Justice had was the pain of having his mommy slam his arm in the van door.   I felt SOOO terrible after and his poor arm was bruised and scratched up – thankfully he recovered fairly quickly and it wasn’t as bad as it could have been!
• With the unexpected early snow we had in October, Justice got his first experience of playing in the snow in his winter boots.
• That his finger fits quite nicely up his nostrils and inside his ears!
• How to take off his pants – I’m hoping this doesn’t become a regular habit!

Eating and drinking:

• He feeds himself most of the time and often makes a pretty good mess, but is becoming less willing to have us help him.  Not too much new in this category.

Talking and comprehension:

• New words: “munch” (lunch), “wee” for the baby swing (and he pushes the swing when Rayah is in it), “ba” for the sheep’s sound, “nack” (snack), “drath” (giraffe), “biddie” (birdie), “bzzzz” for the bee’s sound, “jack” (jacket), “egg”, “sock”, “hug”, “poop”, ”burp”, “hands” (says this when he grabs Rayah’s hands), “knee” (and points to his knee), “Rayah” (he picked this up right away & he has still yet to say his own name!), “rain”, “empty”, “hello”, “fo” (4), “fi” (5), “eight”, “ni” (9), “eat”, “Joe”, “Jacquie”, “wake”, “fun”, “grampa”, “aunty”, “Nick”, ”fish”, “jeans”, “pants”, “boots”, “sauce”, “truck”, “bus”, “water”, “bath”, “stinky”, “dinky” (lol), “ball”, “shhhh”
• As you can see, he is saying new words all the time and he has become quite the chatterbox!  He is constantly babbling and talking very expressively!  He loves to be loud and to scream, but he has also learned to whisper, which is terribly cute.
• His favorite words to yell multiple times daily are “Joe”, “Jacquie”, “daddy”, “mommy”, “baby”, ”grampa” and “Nick”.   He can also point out these people on the pictures on our fridge.

Development:

• He got a mallet & peg board toy from Grandma & Grandpa Engbrecht and he has amazed us with his hand-eye coordination and his ability to hammer those pegs down!
• Had his first temper tantrum in public at the doctor’s office – yay!
• He got his second haircut ever & it was a drastic change from his cute shaggy hair to a very short cut.  I had been wanting him to get it cut for a long time, but when it was actually done, I got all weepy and cried because he looked so different and so grown up!  He is still just as cute as ever, but my little baby is definitely growing up, which was hard for me to realize.
• He can now open our doors at home – shoot!!  I really don’t want to get those babyproof doorknob thingies – I think they’re such an eye-sore, but we’ll see how crazy he drives me with this newfound ability.
• We are definitely having to discipline him more often and are having battles of the will with him to get him to obey us – this is certainly a learning experience!
• He is doing really great at playing on his own while I’m nursing Rayah or preparing meals, etc.  One day I found him sitting amongst his stuffed animals and talking to the kitty.
• I think he’s doing very well at adjusting to Rayah’s arrival and being a big brother!  He doesn’t always fully comprehend how to be gentle with her, but most of the time he does great at just stroking her hair or touching her nose.  He tends to want to steal her soother from her or pull off her socks (which he thinks is hilarious), but mostly he seems happy to just come look at her or give her a hug or kiss every so often.

Health:

• He’s been a healthy boy!

Rayah

• She nurses about every 3 hours, following the general routine of 7-10-1-4, with the occasional longer gap during the night.
• Her bowels operate practically like clockwork and she seems to poop almost every single time while I’m nursing her.
• She PUSHES out her farts and poops and they come out very loudly and explosively!  On one occasion, her poop exploded all over my stomach – lovely!
• She has a little swirl of hair front and center on her forehead that I think is incredibly adorable, but which will probably be a source of angst and frustration when she gets older – lol.  Her hair also sort of spikes on top and then she has her thick mullet at the back, so she sort of reminds me of an 80′s rocker – ha!
• She makes the cutest and funniest faces when she’s just been fed and is content and asleep – she will smile lots and her smiles are so sweet!
• Nursing her is a challenge sometimes, because apparently she cannot multitask – if she needs to burp, spit-up, fart or poop, she absolutely must finish those tasks before she will even consider eating!  I cannot convince her to nurse if there is some other business to take care of!  She is also a very sleepy baby, so getting her awake and alert enough to eat can also be a challenge, but I’m finding she’s getting better and better at nursing as we go along.
• Similar to her brother, she appears to have gas issues – as she’s working it out, she makes lots of squawks, grunts, groans, and other noises, so I call her my “little piglet”.
• One of her ears looks slightly elven to me – we’ll see if it stays that way.
• Unlike her brother, who has several birthmarks, she is completely free of any markings.
• She will sleep pretty good in her crib, but she also really enjoys the bouncy chair and the swing.
• She’s pretty much the cutest, most beautiful little girl ever!

The morning of the 21st, my mom came over to help take care of Justice, since I had an appointment with my obstetrician.  When she checked me at about 9:30 am, I was 3 cm dilated and she asked me if I wanted her to sweep my membranes and even though I didn’t know exactly what that meant, I was game if it would help get things moving!    She then told me to do lots of walking and to expect labor to start within the next day or two.

So my mom and I decided to do a little shopping so I could get walking and we bought some material for receiving blankets and a cute going-home outfit for Rayah.  It was almost immediately after my appointment that I started to feeling some cramping in my back and then as the morning went on, I began to feel the occasional contraction as we were walking around the mall.  We got back to my house around noon, fed Justice lunch, put him down for his nap, had lunch ourselves and then I lay down to try and rest as well.  Since we had been running around doing stuff, it had been hard for me to focus on what was happening in my body, so when I got to lie down, I was able to start taking note of how often the contractions were coming and how strong they felt.  It was around 2 pm and they were about 15 minutes apart and I felt the need to breathe through them, so I knew things were progressing, but I felt like I still had some time, since they weren’t very close together yet.

Around 3:30 pm I called my friend Kristi to let her know where things were at and I also called Joe at work to give him the heads up.  But once I actually got up from my nap and started walking around the house and doing stuff, I noticed that my contractions were all of a sudden coming much closer together – more like every 4 or 5 minutes!  I decided that quick action was needed, since I had been warned by my obstetrician that my labor would likely be very quick again, as it had been with Justice.  I called Kristi again and told her to come get me & called Joe back and told him to meet us at the hospital.  It also worked out perfectly that my mom was already there and could stay at my house to take care of Justice!  By 3:55 pm, we were on the road and contractions were regular, close together, and I could no longer talk while having one.

When we arrived at the hospital, we were pumped when we were greeted by pro-life activists who were participating in the 40 Days for Life campaign, walking outside with signs that said “Pray to end abortion” – so awesome!  Joe was only minutes behind us & he actually stopped to pray withthem before coming inside and even went out and marched withthem later on during our stay.    He met us right there in the entrance and we went up to triage together, where they checked me and found that I was now 6 cm, which was the same thing that happened with Justice – this was around 4:20 pm.  Also, like with Justice, we discovered that they did not have enough staff to admit me to the LDRP (Labor/Delivery/Recovery/PostPartum), which has the bigger, nicer rooms, but it just so happened that my obstetrician stopped by and saw me there and then went to pull some strings on my behalf – lol.  So that was a total blessing and it helped too having Kristi with us, since they knew they could get her help if absolutely necessary, seeing as she is a nurse who works in labor and delivery at another hospital.

I think I threw up a little while still in triage, which also happened with Justice, so I lost the Chai Tea Latte that my mom had went to get me, since I had thought I still had lots of time to have a nice drink – lol.  Soon I was admitted to my room and now I just got to spend some time laboring and breathing through my contractions.  This is where it felt different from my first experience, since there had been a lot of activity and switching rooms and I barely had any time to think about what was happening when all of a sudden it was time to push and Justice was born.  This time, I actually had time to think and be aware of what was taking place and had to consider how I wanted to cope with the contractions, which for me was difficult, because I’m super indecisive!  Kristi and Joe would ask me if I wanted to try different positions and the nurse would ask if I wanted anything for the pain and I just didn’t know!  I didn’t feel like I had the brain power to make decisions and probably would just prefer to be told what to do – lol.  

When they checked me again, I was fully dilated on one side of my cervix, but only 7 cm dilated on the other side.  I didn’t know this could happen, but then they got me to lie on my side so that the baby would put pressure on the one side and hopefully cause it to dilate more.  At that time, I felt a little discouraged that I was still at 7 cm and I was wondering about how long I was going to have to labor, hoping it wouldn’t be too long!  We tried a couple more positions and there were definitely some difficult contractions, but Kristi and Joe both did a fabulous job at coaching and supporting me through them and I felt like I was a little bit more in control this time than I did with Justice.  I threw up a couple more times, so I’m pretty sure I also lost my entire lunch.

I started feeling a lot of pressure and the urge to push, so they checked me again and I was now 9 cm, so almost ready!  At this point, the resident doctor – a young female – decided to break my water for me and she told me that I would be able to push soon.  I was so relieved to hear those words and was very encouraged when she said that I’d be having this baby very soon!  At about 6:30 pm, I pushed a couple times during one contraction and then the resident said that it would only take a couple more pushes!  On the next contraction, I think I pushed 2 more times and just like that, within seconds Rayahwas born at 6:35 pm!  She weighed 8 pounds and 10 ounces and had dark hair and dark blue eyes.  They immediately put her on my chest and I would say that was definitely the highlight for me – it felt so incredible to have her warm body skin to skin with me and to hold her and feel her breathing.  She was beautiful and perfect in every way and it was so amazing to finally see her and have her in my arms!

It’s funny, because during labor, the nurse, Kristi and Joe were joking about how I was made to make babies, since I have had very good pregnancies and amazing labors, and at the time, since I was still in a significant amount of pain, I said, “I don’t want to have any more babies!”  While in labor, it felt so hard and painful, but when it was all over and Rayah was all snuggled up against me, all those months of waiting, all the discomfort of pregnancy, and all the pain was forgotten and all so incredibly worth it!  She is such a treasure and we absolutely adore her!

Her full name is Rayah Hope and I’ve written about the meaning of her first name, which is “intimate companion” or “friend of God” and which obviously speaks about having an intimate relationship with our eternal bridegroom Jesus.  But her middle name Hope is also significant and we chose it from the scripture Titus 2:13 which says, “…while we wait for the blessed hope – the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ…“  This world is currently filled with much sorrow and pain and there are so many who do not have hope for their future.  Yet for us who believe in Jesus, we have this incredible hope that comes from believing that He is coming again in all His glory and power and majesty as our Bridegroom, King and Judge!  He will judge sin, make all the wrong things right, remove all pain and sorrow from the earth, restoring it to the way He intended it to be, and bring us into His glorious presence forever and ever!  It is our prayer that both intimacy with Him and the hope of His return will strengthen her with courage to face trials, fill her heart with joy, and also strike her spirit with the urgency of the hour that we live in, moving her to intercede and live a life of holiness, passion and obedience to Jesus.

First of all, the book and DVDs introduce couples to the idea of “unconditional love and respect” from the verse Ephesians 5:33 which says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  As Eggerichs expanded on this idea, I was totally convicted by the Holy Spirit in areas where I had not been showing my husband the respect that he needs as a man.  It was a new revelation to see how God had created and designed my husband to need this respect in a completely unique way from the way He created me to need love.  This was followed by some fantastic teaching on how we can make our spouse feel loved/respected and the different ways we communicate and interpret our worlds based on our unique pink/blue lenses.  It was really great to discover that we have different needs and that we’re not wrong to feel the way we do – we’re just different! 

My eyes were opened to see the ways I was being disrespectful to my husband and it equipped me with ideas on how I can really build him up and be the helpmate God intended me to be through my respectful behavior towards him.  On the other hand, I have also already been reaping the benefits of increased acts of love from my husband, which is certainly a bonus!    We are both recognizing more quickly when we have gotten on the “Crazy Cycle”, as Eggerichs calls it, and how to work through those conflicts and get on the “Energizing Cycle”.  (You can read the book for yourself to find out what those are all about!)  We were also both really pleased with how the teaching series ended with focusing on the importance of making Jesus the focus and center of this message, since ultimately, the way we love and respect our spouse is directly related to our love and reverence for Christ. 

I would absolutely recommend this book and/or DVD series to any engaged, married, separated, or divorced couple who wants to either build a great foundation for starting their marriage, improve upon a good marriage, or repair a badly damaged marriage.  (I also know some single people who’ve really enjoyed this teaching, so it seems I could recommend it to just about everyone!)  The many testimonies from couples that Eggerichs shares are proof that getting this revelation of what the Bible says about unconditional love and respect can radically change our marriages for the better!  And while my husband and I found areas where we do not fit the typical mold of how most men and women communicate or react, we were still able to discover how to apply the principles to our relationship and the conversations we had while watching the DVDs were probably the highlight of it all!

As for the comparison between the book and the DVD series, I would say that I enjoyed the DVD series more because Eggerichs is a dynamic and humorous communicator in a way that doesn’t come through quite as well in the written form.  But I am also really glad I have the book, because it allows me to go back easily to reference points I want to review.  The content between them is virtually identical, but I’d say there’s more detail in the book as well, which you may benefit from if you’ve only seen the DVDs.  For more info, you can also visit their website at www.loveandrespect.com.